What NOT to Drink

I am a proud drinker of Rainier Beer, the beer 9 out of 10 bears prefer. It's my cheap beer of choice, winning out over my old fave, Coors Original Banquet Beer. In addition to being damn refreshing, I challenge you to find another beer that still puts rebus puzzles on their bottle caps!

Like all Seattlites, I was deeply saddened by the closure of the Rainier Brewery, and its subsequent purchase by Tully's Coffee. But that is in the past and now I have joined the RainierNation, a group of Northwest locals dedicated to drinking the finest cheap beer in the world (even if it brewed in California by Pabst). Sure, the RainierNation may merely be a clever marketing ploy to sell more beer, but it also supports local pubs and bars, so it can't be all that bad. Anyhow, the RainierNation email newsletter just arrived with this horrifying story:

It has recently come to my attention that the RainierNation is being attacked by a new and awful beer. Budweiser's "B to the E" is a new beer that is in our stores and you can tell by its name that it "Sucks to the Ass." This is Budweiser's new "Energy Beer" that you may have heard of. I have a sharp mind, yet I can't quite wrap my head around this abomination. I have an acerbic wit, yet I'm so appalled that I have lost words. But, why make fun of something when its own website does it for you. "Anheuser-Busch is the first major brewer to infuse beer with caffeine, guarana and ginseng. Well balanced with select hops and aromas of blackberry, raspberry and cherry, BE will offer a lightly sweet and tart taste." Guarana? Ginseng? Blackberry? Raspberry? Cherry? I can understand them wanting to add flavors to the beer so that it doesn't taste so much like Budweiser, but is this beer or an aromatherapeutic body wash? "Brewed at Anheuser-Busch's Houston brewery, BE will be packaged in a sleek, slim-line 10-ounce can with stylish graphics." Sleek? Slim-line? 10-ounce?! I only use exclamation points in moments of outrage. They say they are marketing their beer to "contemporary adults" but it sounds to me like they are marketing it to"the Babysitter's Club."

I know what you are saying. "What can I do, Tim? How can I be a light in the darkness? I'm just one Nation." First of all, I'm not sure I like your tone. Never let me hear you underestimate your power as the RainierNation because to me, the solution is simple. Hate it. Hate Budweiser's "B to the E" and everything that it stands for. Don't buy it, and make fun of people that do. It's for their own good.