The Adventures of Kung Fu Monkey and Secret Squirrel

What DIDN'T the Flintstones have?

2007-10-19T09:27:00.000-07:00

I was over at my mom's house last night and came across some of my old kid's books she's been holding onto. Amongst the piles of books was this little gem, published in 1974! I wish I could scan in the whole thing, but I don't think Hanna and Barbera would consider it fair use. Suffice it to say the story within is...unique:

Wilma's uncle Lulu and Betty's aunt Charlie come to town to visit at the same time. Wilma and Betty decide to try and get the two together as they are both single. Upon their arrival however, the pair immediately set to their nagging, complaining and awful ways and are completely disinterested in one another. To get them out of their houses, Fred and Barney start to scheming. To convince Lulu and Charlie that they are, in fact, perfect for one another, Fred concocts a plan to use the "municipal computer" (a room-sized behemoth of course) to prove it once and for all. And that's where things get crazy!

I have no idea if this book still exists anywhere, but trust me, it's worth tracking down at the library or on eBay. It is truly hilarious and bizarre.

Say it with me...Pantman F1

2007-10-04T16:23:00.000-07:00

As reported by Gizmodo earlier today, the Pantman F1 may very well be the best named pants-related product on the market. Like my profile says, "pants" is one of the greatest words in the English language.

Lego AT-AT? Yes, please!

2007-09-24T15:33:00.001-07:00

Every damn year, without fail, LEGO keeps making stuff I want. Like this totally radical AT-AT, that ACTUALLY WALKS! Granted, it costs $130, but still, IT WALKS! I always wanted the AT-AT when I was a kid. It never happened, probably due to cost, but now's my chance! Now, if they just came out with a LEGO G.I. JOE Aircraft Carrier...

Colin McRae : 1968-2007

2007-09-15T21:03:00.000-07:00

It is a sad day for world rally fans. Colin McRae, one of my all-time favorite rally drivers and the reason I got interested in WRC in the late 90s, apparently died in a helicopter accident earlier today.

BBC News
The Guardian
The Telegraph

I will always remember the amazing combo of McRae/Grist and their thrilling knife's edge race wins or spectacular crashes. It was often maddening being a fan of the duo because you never knew if they were going to finish the rally. One of my favorite memories came a few years after McRae retired, at the X Games of all places. Moments from certain victory in the inaugural rally racing event, McRae rolled the car once, then without hesitating, continued on to the finish (sans front fascia) and came in second place by only 1/2 a second.

Consummate professional. Fun to watch, always. He will be missed.

FOR SALE: 1984 Porsche 928 S

2007-09-14T12:12:00.000-07:00

Well, the inevitable has come to pass. I have to sell Gertrude. Who is Gertrude you ask? She is a beautiful 1984 Porsche 928 S which belonged to my father and now resides in my garage. I have finally come to the realization that I cannot hang onto her any longer. I lack the time and the funds to take proper care of her. Take a look for yourself.

Waffles anyone?

2007-09-10T10:04:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I ventured to my mom's place to help her break in her newly acquired Kitchenaid Pro Line Waffle Baker. The first thing I noticed was the ginormousness of the thing. Then I tried to lift it. It weighs over 20 pounds...roughly equivalent to 2.5 gallons of milk. The word "overkill" came to mind. How were the waffles you ask?

Well just look how happy my mom is with the first waffle. As expected, the waffles came out looking very professional and very delicious.

After much syrup and butter, the waffles looked even better. And after one waffle, the couch looked very inviting. You can see the whole experience here. Enjoy!

Google's Gmail Watch?

2007-08-31T20:22:00.000-07:00

No, not really. But I noticed something funny about my newish watch the other day. Take a look at the winding knob:

Look closer:

That "M" on the side sure looks a lot like the Gmail "M". In reality, the watch is a Michael Kors design (yes, the designer that used to be a judge on Project Runway) as and is really quite cool (if I don't say so myself):

Not only is the watch a classic, clean and timeless design, it also wont break the bank. It's a true chronograph with the sweep second hand (seen above in the 12 o'clock position) acting as the stopwatch second hand while the top and middle dials register minutes and hours respectively. The bottom dial is the second hand for the watch, which has taken some getting used to.

All in all, it is a fantastic addition to any man's watch collection, especially those who do not have two grand to spend on a Tag Heuer but want a watch that looks the part. I have actually gotten more compliments on this watch than any other in my (sadly small) collection.

How NOT to spend $60,000

2007-08-10T16:45:00.000-07:00

I can think of many things that I'd like to spend $60,000 on. A bed is not one of those things. Apparently, Swedish bed maker Hästens makes the "best" beds on the planet. According to Seattle P-I reporter Meghan Peters, the secret is horsehair:

Unlike most beds, often constructed with manmade materials such as latex, Hastens describes its beds as completely organic. The cotton, flax and wool breathe, and horsehair wicks away moisture.

Maybe I'll just start sleeping in barns. All-organic after all!

What happens in my office when the power goes out?

2006-12-15T13:18:00.000-08:00

Pizza party! Mind you, the power isn't actually out IN the office. But some people came into work with wet hair and mismatched socks. As a prize for making it in to work despite the numerous power outage related hardships, our team in legal was rewarded with delicious Pagliacci pizza:

Thanks boss!

Winter Wind Storm 2006 - Not so funny anymore...

2006-12-15T10:13:00.000-08:00

From MSNBC:
Powerful storm socks Northwest; 4 dead
1.5 million homes, businesses without power; schools, major bridges closed

From CNN:
Storm cuts power across two states

UPDATE:
Storm's death toll now 13

I should have taken a "sick" day:

2006-12-15T10:02:00.000-08:00

Be happy you were not on this plane...

2006-12-15T09:54:00.000-08:00

High winds make for a scary landing at Sea-Tac

Winter Storm Blast 2006 - v. 2.0!

2006-12-15T08:46:00.000-08:00

So last night in the Pacific Northwest was a little crazy. I had the displeasure of driving home in rain so heavy that everyone on the freeway slowed to 40 MPH. They seemed to have forgotten that their windshield wipers have a "HIGH" setting. That, and you know, it NEVER rains up here.

The high winds and torrential rains overnight knocked out power to nearly a million and half people in the area. Here's a screenshot from the Puget Sound Energy website this morning:

Yes, it says TWO-THIRDS of PSE customers are without power. I was one of the lucky few that awoke with power. It went out at some point during the night but only for a brief moment. It was probably one of the several moments I awoke to loud noises coming from our roof - the kinds of noises that prompted me to tell the cat "That doesn't sound good." Needless to say, trying to sleep through the night was a little terrifying.

I made it into work without incident, noting during the bus ride that about half of the normal traffic was absent from the roads. For about 15 minutes, until about 8:30 am, I was the only person in our wing of the office. I was kind of hoping that no one would show. What's that rule? If no one shows by 9:00 you get the day off? Sadly, my co-workers slowly but surely began filtering in (about half of them in any case). The brave warriors that fought their way in today are getting a pizza party. Yay. I'd rather have a "snow day" like most of the kids around town...no power, no classes. Sometimes I miss being 12 years old.

How to score 830 points in Scrabble

2006-10-27T09:59:00.000-07:00

I once broke 350 in a game of Scrabble. I would have lost to ONE MOVE made by the guy who just broke the single game point record. Read about the incredible game HERE.

Fra-Gee-Lay. It must be Italian!

2006-10-13T11:09:00.000-07:00

Ah yes, the Leg Lamp from A Christmas Story. A major award indeed. Now you can have your own!

Remember Ring - Never Forget an Anniversary!

2006-09-27T16:30:00.000-07:00

Gizmodo recently ran the story of the conceptual "Rememeber Ring," a marvelous piece of tech THAT BURNS YOUR FINGER to remind you of your anniversary. Uh. Strangely, it is only available in men's sizes. That hardly seems fair.

Now HERE'S a Camping Gadget I Really Need

2006-09-01T10:01:00.000-07:00

Everyone loves coffee, especially when camping. Unfortunately, one must master the art of cowboy coffee if one wants a decent cup of joe. This can be a frustrating experience and is best done in a big, heavy coffee pot. Enter a slew of expensive and bulky modern-day alternatives. They may make a better cup of joe but who wants to spend that much money and carry ANOTHER gadget? Next!

The beloved French Press. Not only is it less expensive it's also a hell of a lot easier to use and use well. Sure, you can tote your glass IKEA french press along with you or even buy an indestructible Lexan plastic one from REI, but again, it's one more bulky thing to carry. Enter the Press-Bot. It's an ingenious $20 gadget that mounts directly to the Nalgene water bottles you'll be carrying whether you drink coffee or not on the trail. When not in use, it folds into a lightweight, compact shape and hides away in your pack. Go get one now at REI. Have some GOOD coffee on the trail...sans grounds in your teeth.

UPDATE! Even more coolness...unscrew the cap from the pushrod and you've got yourself a makeshift camping tripod!

The Last Pocketknife You'll Ever Need

2006-08-28T12:15:00.000-07:00

Wenger, the maker of the Genuine Swiss Army Knife, has outdone itself with the "Most Incredible Knife" (MIK). Sure, 18 tools is okay, but 85 tools is better. At $1200, the MIK costs $14.12 per tool. Sure, that's a little more than the $5.56 for the 18-tool knife and the MIK does weigh in at nearly three pounds, but there will NEVER be a problem you can't fix. Place your order today!

I Got In Trouble With Microsoft...and Lived!

2006-08-28T12:04:00.000-07:00

Ooooo...busted! I posted some cool Xbox 360 accessory news last week. Because the news was so strange and felt to me to be merely conceptual, and because no one (and I mean NO ONE) reads this blog, I thought it was okay to post. I guess it was more confidential than I thought because I got a call to take down the post. I feel a little dirty, but also a little pleased that for a mere second, I had a scoop. My apologies to my source for any trouble I may have caused. It was certainly not my intention. That said, keep an eye on the Xbox 360 in the months to come as some cool stuff may be making an appearance!

Skatefall! - Pitfall! For the Y-Generation

2006-08-17T12:23:00.000-07:00

Pitfall! is my all-time fave for the Atari 2600. A clever gentleman, John Freeborn, has created an updated version of that classic: SKATEFALL! This might just be the coolest Flash game yet.

Formula One Has-Been a Popstar Could-Be?

2006-06-29T20:59:00.000-07:00

Former Formula One champion (1994) Jacques Villeneuve is releasing an album up in Canada. Up to this point, I have not paid it much mind, thinking of it as another vanity project on his part. Now that I have heard a snippet of the first single, I may have changed my mind. Well actually, no, I haven't. But it is worth listening to so you have one more thing to make fun of Jacques for.

Coolest. Star Wars Items. Ever.

2006-06-21T15:14:00.000-07:00

First off is something that I personally could not bring myself to buy and wear, but that is undoubtedly cool. I present to you the YODA BACKPACK:

Next up is something that I MUST HAVE. It combines two of the coolest things ever: Transformers and the Millennium Falcon. What more can I say?

By the way, my birthday is just around the corner...

Karate Chimp - Nuff Said

2006-04-27T14:36:00.000-07:00

This is Charlie, the Karate Chimp. He is a friend of Kung Fu Monkey. Kung Fu Monkey would like you to watch this video of Karate Chimp kicking ass.

SXSW Offers Nearly 1000 Free Songs...AGAIN!

2006-03-20T09:06:00.000-08:00

Last year, the SXSW music festival offered a torrent of roughly 750 full songs from the bands playing the festival. They're up to their old tricks again this year. Make sure you have a BitTorrent client of some kind and head HERE. Enjoy the music!

From the Wha-Huh?! Files

2006-03-16T14:48:00.000-08:00

Man sues himself for vehicle damage. Or, "how not to file a lawsuit."

Here I am...and there you are.

2006-03-16T14:28:00.000-08:00

OK, OK, I know it's been over three months since my last post. My only excuse is that I felt like I had nothing to say that wasn't already being said over at my wife's superior blog, Em's daily dirt. But the time has come for me to mouth off again, this time about my (and my wife's) new obsession - snowboarding. I went snowboarding for the first time last weekend and that's all it took. I bought a pair of boots last night so I can avoid the horrific rental scene up at Snoqualmie for my second lesson this weekend. Last week they didn't have my size in boots or boards. And I think one of the boots had dog poop on it.

Despite the poor equipment, I still found myself oddly enraptured with snowboarding. I have been a skier for nearly 20 years (though to be fair, I've been going about once every five years for a decade), so it is going to take some time to get my brain re-oriented (by 90 degrees) to the logistics of snowboarding. This early in the game, two things about snowboarding have me intrigued:

I think it's going to be much better for my aging body, once I learn how to not crash all the time.
Getting all-new snowboarding equipment is far cheaper than getting the all-new skiing equipment I so desperately need.

So there you have it. I used to mock snowboarders as insolent whelps always mucking up the slopes for the skiers. And now, 15 years later, here I am becoming what I so despised. Oh well. I never claimed not to be hypocritical.

"I'll smash that camera!"

2005-12-03T14:04:00.000-08:00

Grandma Beth and Quinn

2005-12-03T14:00:00.000-08:00

Huzzah! My Nieces Have Arrived!

2005-12-03T08:54:00.000-08:00

On December 2, 2005 at 18:03 and 18:07 respectively, Quinn Alexa (5lb 14oz) and Clara Bryn (6lb 6oz) Warren came into the world of air breathers. Both are cute as buttons with perfect (big!) feet and strong hands. Quinn (aka "Baby A") is pictured above. Mom (Kirstie) and dad (Seth) could not be happier and both are doing well. More details and pictures to come!

Those squirrels are so cute...OH MY GOD!

2005-12-01T16:32:00.000-08:00

In the "holy crap" department comes this story about a pack of squirrels killing a dog. I'll have to remember to give props to Secret Squirrel so as not to face her wrath.

ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT CANCELLED?

2005-11-11T15:55:00.000-08:00

Oh sad, sad day. ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT, only the greatest comedy to come along in the past decade and certainly the best show on television right now (sorry LOST), is running into trouble again at FOX. VARIETY has reported that FOX has cut its order for the show from 22 episodes to 13. Worse yet, a new episode of the show will not air again until December, after November sweeps.

I blame the RED states. That’s where most of the Nielsen boxes are hiding. Damn them to hell for making shit like KING OF QUEENS popular. I strongly urge everyone to write a letter to FOX immediately and IMPLORE the network to keep ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT on the air. Here is their primetime TV address:

FOX Broadcasting Co
PO Box 900
Beverly Hills, CA 90213

Classic Moment in Comics: Hawkeye

2005-10-25T16:56:00.000-07:00

From issue 3 of the 1983 HAWKEYE four-issue limited series written and drawn by Mark Gruenwald. Now that poor Hawkeye is dead (or is he...?), I thought a look at his early, simpler days was in order. I sure do miss the 80s.

David Lynch Reads the Weather

2005-10-17T11:30:00.000-07:00

No, really.

bigspaceship1.com messages

2005-10-17T08:44:00.000-07:00

Here are all of the morse code messages I have collected thus far from http://bigspaceship1.com:

[ … --- -- . - .. -- . … / .- / .--. --- .-.. .- .-. / -… . .- .-. / .. … / .--- ..- … - / .- / .--. --- .-.. .- .-. / -… . .- .-. ]

[ -.-. .... --- -.-. --- .-.. .- - . / .- ... -.-. .-.. . .--. .. ..- ... ]

[ -... . / .--. --- ... .. - .. ...- . / - .... .. -. -.- / -. . --. .- - .. ...- . ]

[ .. -. / --. .. .-. ..- -- / .. -- ..- ... / -. --- -.-. - . / . - / -.-. --- -. ... ..- -- .. -- ..- .-. / .. --. -. .. ]

[ ... ..- -.-. ..- .-.. .- . ]

[ -.. .- ... .... -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. --- - -.. .- ... .... / -.. --- - -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. --- - -.. --- - -.. --- - -.. --- - / ... .-.. .- ... .... / -.. .- ... .... -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. .- ... .... -.. .- ... .... -.. .- ... .... / -.. .- ... .... / -.. .- ... .... -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. .- ... .... -.. .- ... .... -.. .- ... .... / -.. .- ... .... / -.. .- ... .... -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. .- ... .... -.. .- ... .... -.. .- ... .... / -.. .- ... .... / -.. .- ... .... -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. .- ... .... -.. .- ... .... -.. .- ... .... / -.. .- ... .... / ... .-.. .- ... .... / -.. .- ... .... -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. .- ... .... -.. .- ... .... -.. .- ... .... / -.. .- ... .... / -.. .- ... .... -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. .- ... .... -.. .- ... .... -.. .- ... .... / -.. .- ... .... / ... .-.. .- ... .... / -.. .- ... .... -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. --- - -.. .- ... .... / -.. --- - -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. --- - -.. --- - -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. .- ... .... -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. .- ... .... -.. .- ... .... -.. .- ... .... / -.. .- ... .... / ... .-.. .- ... .... / -.. .- ... .... -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. --- - -.. .- ... .... / -.. --- - -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. --- - -.. --- - -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. .- ... .... -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. .- ... .... -.. .- ... .... -.. .- ... .... / -.. .- ... .... / -.. .- ... .... -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. --- - -.. .- ... .... / -.. --- - -.. --- - -.. --- - / -.. --- - -.. --- - -.. --- - -.. --- - ]

[ -.. --- --. ... - .- .-. ]

[ .- / -.. --- --. / .. ... / .- / -- .- -. / .- -. -.. / .- / -- .- -. / .. ... / .- / -.. --- --. ]

[ --. .- --.. .. -. --. / ... .-.. --- .-- .-.. -.-- / .- - /- .... . / -- .. -.. -. .. --. .... - / ... - .- .-. ]

[ .-- .- .-. ... - .- .-. ... ]

LOST Tidbits

2005-10-12T16:13:00.000-07:00

My favorite television show is LOST. Not very original, I know. LOST is FULL of secrets and clues and red herrings and deeper meaning and just plain strangeness. There are a million theories by a million weirdoes (me included) out there about what the hell is going on. “Is the way that leaf is hanging on the tree meaningful?” Perhaps. That's how weird it can be. In any case, one neat aspect of the show is the multiple fake websites that have been created to enrich the viewing experience. Here are (some of) those websites:

http://www.oceanic-air.com/
This website was introduced in the first season as the website of the airline the characters were flying before the crash. Do a "Select All" on the main page followed by a "Copy." Then paste the contents into a word doc to see some secret stuff.

http://www.oceanic-airlines.com/
A different version of the link above. Do the same thing.

http://www.oceanicflight815.com/
A new site about the show. Click the barcode at the bottom of the page and type “theislandiswaiting” each week to see a new page of “script.”

http://www.dharmaindustries.com/
The website of the fictional Dharma Industries, introduced in episode 2.03. More to come?

http://www.thehansofoundation.org/
The website of the fictional Hanso Foundation, which funds Dharma Industries, also introduced in episode 2.03.

To get an idea of how crazy this stuff is, for a brief moment today, if you went to the “secure” version of the Hanso Foundation (i.e. https://…) you were given the URL http://bigspaceship1.com/. If you went to it, a goofy flash animation of two polar bears appeared. Paying close attention to the title bar, the following Morse code message was visible:

[ … --- -- . - .. -- . … / .- / .--. --- .-.. .- .-. / -… . .- .-. / .. … / .--- ..- … - / .- / .--. --- .-.. .- .-. / -… . .- .-. ]

I’ll leave it to you to figure out the message. Enjoy, and start watching LOST!

UPDATE!!
Going to the URL http://bigspaceship1.com/ now re-routes you to http://ipodnews.com/ a legitimate website that has apparantly pulled a fast one. I was lucky enough to be playing around with the bigspaceship1.com URL at the time of the switchover. For about 15 seconds, the title bar of the iPodnews main page read "iPod News updated every 108 minutes" Fans of the show will get it.

UPDATE 2!!
It appears that the content of http://bigspaceship1.com/ changes randomly. I have been back several times since my original post and seen not only the polar bears, but also a mouse, a rabbit, a satellite and hypnotic snakes.

Smurf Village Attacked!

2005-10-10T12:02:00.000-07:00

Apparently UNICEF has produced a short, animated Smurfs film showing the Smurf village getting the $#!+ bombed out of it. Unlucky Belgian children have now been scarred for life. Poor Smurfs. They never deserved this. No doubt Gargamel and Azrael are responsible. They are now number one and two on the Smurf's most wanted list. The US will be invading Gargamel's fiefdom shortly.

Ninja Mask Lessons

2005-09-19T12:27:00.000-07:00

A less expensive (and far cooler) alternative to the face transplant.

Face Transplants Are a Go

2005-09-19T12:20:00.000-07:00

It was only a matter of time before everything could be transplanted. This is a truly bizarre and fascinating surgery, described well (with cartoons!) in this article. I hope it works...then I can finally get my Luke Perry face. For more information on this technology, please rent Face/Off, a truly awesome action pic by John "I need more doves!" Woo from way back in 1997. It was truly a head of its time.

"Loch Ness Imposter" by Ross Zietz

2005-09-16T12:05:00.000-07:00

I love this t-shirt design by Ross Zietz available online here.
Heh heh. Silly squid.

Welcome to Monday

2005-08-29T10:16:00.000-07:00

How's this for a way to start your week: Our bus driver, driving the 7:22 AM 101 route from South Renton Park & Ride (Metro bus #2647) managed to rear-end a small Honda/Acura on the freeway. He was paying attention to another wreck already pulled off on the side of the road rather than focusing on the actual road.

Melissa and I were sitting the in very back on the forward-facing bench seat. Melissa was watching the whole thing unfold and managed to brace herself with her legs. She threw an arm out towards me right before impact. That and the shouts of "SHIT SHIT SHIT" from the passengers up front gave me enough warning to hook my right arm around the pole in front of me. The pole was in the crook of my elbow and my body swung forward, yanking on my arm. Luckily, we were not going 60 MPH at the time, so instead of tearing my arm out of the socket, my instinctive grab for the pole simply kept me from flying. Now, a couple of hours later, it just feels like I've been pitching a couple of innings of baseball.

Looking back on the whole thing, two things stick in my mind: First, how violently everyone on the bus was thrown around when the impact occurred. Several people that were standing went flying. I am truly surprised that only one person was looked at by paramedics (he was standing and hit his chest on the headrest of a seat when he flew forwards). Second, Melissa throwing an arm out in front of me just in the nick of time. Thanks honey! I owe ya one!

I should also mention that Melissa spilled her coffee in the car (before the accident) and we were both 30 minutes late to work. Yeah, this is going to be a long week...

'Global Frequency' TV Pilot Lives On Via P2P

2005-08-25T15:51:00.000-07:00

I am one of the last people on the planet to post this information. The reason I re-hash this story is that the creator of 'Global Frequency' is the one-and-only Warren Ellis, one of my favorite comic book writers. I actually took my wife on a trip to San Francisco specifically to meet him at a comic book shop down there. We ended up not going, choosing instead to get drunk at the Tonga Room, a story best left untold for now.

Anyhow, so many people have absolutely loved the TV pilot that I felt a need to point them all in the direction of the comic books that started it all. 'Global Frequency' was a maxi-series of 12 individual comics that came out a couple years back. It was one of Ellis' finer works recently. You can shell out $20 to buy volume one (issues 1-6) and volume two (7-12) or just check out the trade paperbacks at your local library. Either way, if you have seen the pilot, do yourself a favor and read the books.

What's With the Go Read! Section?

2005-08-25T15:42:00.000-07:00

You may be asking yourself why the Go Read! section to the right is all comic book/graphic novel material. It is because that is what I like. I like comic books. There, I said it. Every Wednesday I go to my comic book shop and pick up the new releases. I get a discount because more than 50 titles go into my subscription box each month. I have over 5000 comics at home (do NOT bring this subject up with my wife). And I am of the opinion that the comic book is one of the most important and vital forms of art, literature and pop culture (all rolled into one) that exists today. Sadly, the industry is not doing as well as it should be. That is why I am encouraging you all to check out one of the trade paperback collections in the Go Read! section. You might be surprised.

My wife is the GREATEST!

2005-08-25T14:36:00.000-07:00

She's bitchin'.

Video Gaming Marathon Ends Poorly

2005-08-09T08:24:00.000-07:00

My friend Matt has been talking about joining forces to complete the 24 hour endurance race found on his PS2 game GRAN TURISMO 4. Then today I received a "Perhaps we should re-think" email from him with a link to this story:

SEOUL, South Korea (Reuters) -- A South Korean man who played computer games or 50 hours almost non-stop died of heart failure minutes after finishing his mammoth session in an Internet cafe, authorities said on Tuesday.

Sadly, this is the sort of story that parents and wives of video gaming geeks will use bolster their argument about getting off the couch and getting some fresh air. I think they miss the point here. If the guy had just stopped playing after 49 hours, he would have been just fine!

The End of a Formula 1 Era

2005-08-03T11:39:00.000-07:00

My wife's favorite (and mine, darn it!) F1 driver has decided to leave his number two position at Ferrari to head for the greener (read: number one position) pastures at another team, reportedly BAR Honda.

Rubens Barichello, the Brazilian Fraser/Niles Crane look-alike, has been sad and lonely at Ferrari for some time methinks. I always felt a little sorry for him, playing second fiddle to Michael Schumacher. However, you must admit that he played his support role perfectly there, without much (if any) complaining. I just can't imagine what it's going to be like seeing him out of the red. Perhaps the fact that Ferrari is going through a "slump" this year cemented his decision. For the last few years, there was no beating Ferrari. Now they look vulnerable and other teams are moving in for the kill.

I hope Rubens is happy wherever he ends up. I just don't want him spending the twilight of his career on a shitty team at the back of the pack. At least he won occasionally at Ferrari. My biggest wish for him is to beat the pants off of his former teammate in at least one race. He has the talent, but has never had the luck or go-ahead from the team bosses. Here's to more of both Rubens!

fak·tu·al (FAKE-choo-ell)

2005-07-30T07:43:00.000-07:00

I had a dream this morning with Rainn Wilson in it. He's the odd-duck guy from the American version of The Office and Six Feet Under. Anyway, in the dream, we were in school and he and a schoolmate were working on a project for art class. The project was to create a fake car using specs and cutouts from real cars. While he was cutting out pictures from car brochures, Rainn turned to me and said, "My fake car nearly exists. You might say it nearly 'faksists.'" And with that, I woke up and felt the burning need to document this new fake-word:

fak·sist (fake-ZIST): To exist based on false facts and unsubstantiated rumors.

As I was mulling over faksist, I also created a spin-off word that I think suits me to a "T." My friends will tell you that I often adamantly and vehemently claim that something is true when, in fact, I really don't know whether it is at all (ask Andy about my moon theory). When I claim something is factual, I may actually mean it is faktual.

fak·tu·al (FAKE-choo-ell): The opposite of factual.

There you have it, two entirely unnecessary new fake-words that only faksist because of a silly dream. Let me know what you think!

Pizza On the Road

2005-07-29T11:02:00.000-07:00

The last time I tried to cook pizza in my car, the cheese melted all over my engine bay. Well no more! Now I can just throw in a Freschetta and let 'er rip. Mmm...nothing like the smell of pepperoni in the air and molten cheese in your lap. Plus, bonus points if your passenger can toss and sauce a fresh pizza!

Super Bouncy Balls From Heaven

2005-07-29T08:51:00.000-07:00

Super Bouncy Balls are fun one at a time. Now imagine thousands being dumped off the roof of a building in San Francisco for a commercial shoot. THAT is simply sublime. See the dump and the aftermath in this spectacular Flikr photo set.

Visit the Moon with Google

2005-07-20T10:32:00.000-07:00

Every geek knows that Google Maps is the superior mapping site. Well now you can map an area of the moon with the aptly named Google Moon:

In honor of the first manned Moon landing, which took place on July 20, 1969, we’ve added some NASA imagery to the Google Maps interface to help you pay your own visit to our celestial neighbor. Happy lunar surfing.

Strangely, the "To Here" feature is absent. Zoom in all the way for a truly awesome view of the lunar surface.

Beer with Nicotine?!? Preposterous!

2005-07-13T08:26:00.000-07:00

And yet, here it is. I love the idea of multitasking at the bar. As Gizmodo points out, "I think the implications are obvious: smoking makes you skinny and beer makes you fat. So if you add the two together, you get to your ideal weight." PLUS, it's a bonus for the smokers in New York and California that cannot currently smoke in bars. Personally, I think they should outlaw smoking in every bar in every state, AS LONG AS they serve this beer! Genius. Now if only they would come up with beer-flavored cigarettes to help drinker/smokers quit drinking...

Japanese Researchers Store Data on Fingernail

2005-07-08T14:43:00.000-07:00

Gives a whole new meaning to the term Thumb Drive (found on Boing Boing).

Japanese researchers are using femtosecond laser pulses to write data into human fingernails. Secure optical data storage could soon literally be at your fingertips thanks to work being carried out in Japan. Yoshio Hayasaki and his colleagues have discovered that data can be written into a human fingernail by irradiating it with femtosecond laser pulses. Capacities are said to be up to 5 mega bits and the stored data lasts for 6 months - the length of time it takes a fingernail to be completely replaced.

Podcasts Are Fun!

2005-07-07T15:27:00.000-07:00

I've been listening to podcasts for several months through a little program called iPodder. Now, in case you're the last person to hear, iTunes 4.9 now supports podcasting. About time. Anyhow, I now have a renewed interest in podcasts because I use iTunes constantly at work. So here's a rundown of what I have been listening to and enjoying (in order of fun-ness). Download iTunes 4.9 and search the Podcast section of the iTunes Music Store by keyword:

GeeksOn
Engadget
On Food with Hsiao-Ching Chou
Autoblog

There are thousands of podcasts out there, so if you find some that are worth listening to, please leave a comment and let me know what they are!

Are You Geek Enough...

2005-05-18T13:03:00.000-07:00

...for the 100% blank Das Keyboard? My friend and co-worker Scott thinks he is. "Anything that will make it more difficult for someone else to use MY machine."

PS3 Has Landed. You Will Obey.

2005-05-18T12:41:00.000-07:00

Cue: Triumphant horn music, beams of sunlight from above, angels singing Hallelujah! Sony introduced the forthcoming PS3 at the E3 Expo a couple of days ago. The official release date is Spring 2006 and I can hardly wait. I'm a little so-so about the external design, but the computing power of this monster will put ALL other game consoles to shame (including Xbox 360...Sorry Xbox fans, but you know in your hearts that it is true).

My personal favorite over-the-top feature of the PS3 is the dual-HD outputs. "Since the console has two HD outputs, it is can be hooked up to two side-by-side HDTVs to projecting video in a 32:9 extra-widescreen format (think Cinemascope in your living room)." This can only be feasible for sports superstars who can afford such things, and who will undoubtedly have this setup in the back of their Hummer or Escalade.

Anyway, an excellent rundown of the PS3 specs can be found online HERE and more pictures of the console HERE. You may also view the entire two-hour Sony press conference (link to the spec page above and find the "stream for free" thumbnail for the conference in the text). And yes, I did watch the whole thing. Conclusion? I'll take two please.

Coolest...Shelves...Ever...

2005-05-16T09:48:00.000-07:00

Remember when you first played Tetris? Admit it, you were addicted, just like the rest of the world. Well now you can play real-life Tetris and get organized at the same time! Brave Space Design has created a line of Tetris shelving. Each piece is sold separately, or in sets of five and ten "blocks." Granted, the shelves cost a fortune (an average of $700 each), but wow! Perhaps the crafty woodworkers out there can "borrow" the design and make their own Tetris shelves.

Air Guitar Competition for World Domination

2005-05-11T16:29:00.000-07:00

This may be the coolest competition ever: The 1st Annual Kinski / Sub Pop Air Guitar Competition for World Domination. But act fast! The competition is in Seattle at The Sunset Tavern on May 21st at 3:00p.m.

I'm more of an air keyboardist. Give me Van Halen's "Jump" any day of the week. However, if someone were to pop in Heart's DREAMBOAT ANNIE, I would jam along on air guitar. Oh yes. Jam.

Latest Lego Set? Star Wars Nerds!

2005-05-03T10:44:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows about the Star Wars Nerds that line up for the latest movie months in advance for no apparent reason. Hell, I was actually a quasi-nerd back in 1999 when Episode 1 came out. I waited from 5:30 AM until 5:30 PM to get tickets at the Cinerama in Seattle. Trust me, some of these people are clinically insane. I will never forget the 300 pound nerd dressed (poorly I might add) as Darth Maul having a lightsaber fight in the parking lot...with NO ONE! Well now, Legoland has immortilized the nerds that are currently in line for Episode 3. Here is an album of the display.

And for the three people that have not seen the hilarious video of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog ruthlessly taunting the nerds of 2002 in line, here you go!

Your Moment of Octopus Zen

2005-03-25T14:49:00.000-08:00

Octopi have always fascinated me. Don't know why...they're kinda creepy. Anyway, there is an article about two species of octopus that have a very unique form of camouflage. In addition to being amazing, these videos are damn funny. Imagine being a fish and seeing one these things cruising the sea floor..."WTF was that?!?"

Sneaky Coconut Octopus and Sneaky Seaweed Octopus

An Interesting Night...

2005-03-24T10:01:00.000-08:00

I had an eventful night last night, all of the events occurring AFTER I fell asleep. Here are those adventures...

My wife and I own a fat, furry cat named Miss Kitty Fantastico (Buffy fans will get it). We usually close the door to prevent her from sleeping on the bed because she tends to sleep on top of rather then next to us. She also radiates heat on an epic scale. Then there are the cat nightmares.

Last night, my wife and I were quite tired, so we got into bed without shutting the door. This was, of course, an open invitation to the cat to join us. She promptly took up residence by our feet. At about 12:30 AM, she awoke, meowing loudly. I'm a light sleeper so I sat upright and noticed her looking around confused. Like I said - cat nightmares. As I lay back down, quite annoyed, she slinked up the bed between us and stuck her face into mine, seeking solace. Mean, mean man that I am, I shoved her away. Giving up on me, she began crawling ON TOP OF my wife's head. At this point, my wife awoke with a muffled "whositwhatsit?"

For those who love animals, skip this next part. Angered by the attempted smothering of my wife, I picked up and hurled the cat several feet across the room and off the bed. This was no mean feat considering she weighs 15 pounds. I then flew out of bed and chased my thoroughly confused cat out of the room and shut the door. Like I said - mean, mean man.

Interruption over, I fell back asleep...until 2:30 AM that is. It was then that I awoke to the scene of my wife, apparently sleepwalking, crawling off the end of the bed by my feet and tumbling to the floor. Like a seasoned physical comedian adept at pratfalls, she sprang to her feet and, giggling, declared "I'm OK, I'm OK!" as if the stunt I had just witnessed was entirely intentional. Terrified, I asked her what she was doing and if she was really OK. Her response was to simply return to bed, lie down next to me and fall fast asleep.

Needless to say, I did not fall asleep right away, the adrenaline keeping me awake for some time. When asked about the incident this morning, my wife had no recollection of the incident, save for a sore back. That was my night. How was yours?

I TOLD You it's an Awesome TV Show!

2005-03-21T09:36:00.000-08:00

Sadly, the ratings are what matter in TV and VERONICA MARS is on the verge of being axed. However, it is the clear and decisive winner of E! Television's annual "SOS: Save One Show Campaign." This bodes well for a show whose fate is decided this May. In the meantime, follow my orders (see sidebar) and WATCH THIS SHOW! Get the ratings up for crying out loud and enjoy one of the best hours on TV.

Want 750 Free Songs?

2005-03-08T09:26:00.000-08:00

South by Southwest (SXSW) concert promoters have a wicked deal going right now - SXSW4Pod - SXSW On Your iPod. Head over to their site and you can download a 2.6 GB bittorrent containing over 750 high-quality mp3 files, showcasing the talent at the 2005 SXSW festival. You can also download the schedule to put on your iPod. The coolest thing? As you browse the schedule on your iPod, you can instantly link to a song by the artist you are reading about. Genius!

Download link for the bittorrent (took me overnight to get the whole thing)

Battlestar Galactica Podcast

2005-03-07T11:03:00.000-08:00

OK. So the SciFi Channel original series Battlestar Galactica is on my top 5 list of must-see shows on television right now (cue mocking laughter). Laugh if you will, but the show is an excellent mix of character development, special effects (not too much) and fun dialogue.

Anyway, to add to the nerdy-coolness factor of the show, SciFi has made available a podcast of episode audio commentaries by executive producer Ronald D. Moore. Sync up your podcast application (I like iPodder) and a full-length MP3 file will download to your player each week. There are even beeps in the commentary for commercials. How cool is that? (no need to answer/mock me). Now go! Watch this show! 10PM Fridays, SciFi Channel. I command you!

Crank faster fool! I need to DANCE!

2005-03-04T09:00:00.000-08:00

When the apocalypse hits, at least he'll have his tunes. Phillip Torrone has created this ingenious hand-cranked iPod Shuffle recharger. It is cool in so many ways.

Spider-Man's Greatest Bible Stories!

2005-03-01T16:50:00.000-08:00

This might just be the funniest thing I've seen in several months. God bless Spider-Man!

The Top 100 Gadgets of All Time

2005-02-18T11:03:00.000-08:00

There are some true classics on this list. Number 2 was a particular favorite. My friends had a TV with the Space Command Remote Control. You could change channels by clinking silverware together. Good times.

Fraaammmmpp! Excuse me.

2005-01-21T15:16:00.000-08:00

I'm not usually one for toilet humor, but where elephants are involved, I will go!

BANGKOK (AFP) - Having taught Thailand's elephants to paint, dance and play musical instruments, their Thai handlers are now toilet-training the beasts, media reported. Handlers -- known as mahouts -- have installed giant human-style toilets at a camp in the northern city of Chiang Mai to try to rid the tourist attraction of unsightly droppings, according to the Nation newspaper. Some seven elephants at the privately run camp beside Chiang Mai Zoo are being trained to sit like a human on the giant white toilets, which can be flushed by pulling on a rope with a gentle tug of the trunk, said the daily. It showed a picture of a five-year-old elephant named Diew testing out one of the oversized concrete toilets, which has been fitted with equally jumbo-sized plumbing. The elephants were reportedly rescued from the streets of Bangkok where people were using them to collect money from tourists.

Al Pacino is Tiny!

2005-01-21T14:42:00.000-08:00

Want to see how you measure up to your favorite celebrity? Go here and enter your height. Then kick back and enjoy! Thanks to Boing Boing

What NOT to Drink

2005-01-20T16:20:00.000-08:00

I am a proud drinker of Rainier Beer, the beer 9 out of 10 bears prefer. It's my cheap beer of choice, winning out over my old fave, Coors Original Banquet Beer. In addition to being damn refreshing, I challenge you to find another beer that still puts rebus puzzles on their bottle caps!

Like all Seattlites, I was deeply saddened by the closure of the Rainier Brewery, and its subsequent purchase by Tully's Coffee. But that is in the past and now I have joined the RainierNation, a group of Northwest locals dedicated to drinking the finest cheap beer in the world (even if it brewed in California by Pabst). Sure, the RainierNation may merely be a clever marketing ploy to sell more beer, but it also supports local pubs and bars, so it can't be all that bad. Anyhow, the RainierNation email newsletter just arrived with this horrifying story:

It has recently come to my attention that the RainierNation is being attacked by a new and awful beer. Budweiser's "B to the E" is a new beer that is in our stores and you can tell by its name that it "Sucks to the Ass." This is Budweiser's new "Energy Beer" that you may have heard of. I have a sharp mind, yet I can't quite wrap my head around this abomination. I have an acerbic wit, yet I'm so appalled that I have lost words. But, why make fun of something when its own website does it for you. "Anheuser-Busch is the first major brewer to infuse beer with caffeine, guarana and ginseng. Well balanced with select hops and aromas of blackberry, raspberry and cherry, BE will offer a lightly sweet and tart taste." Guarana? Ginseng? Blackberry? Raspberry? Cherry? I can understand them wanting to add flavors to the beer so that it doesn't taste so much like Budweiser, but is this beer or an aromatherapeutic body wash? "Brewed at Anheuser-Busch's Houston brewery, BE will be packaged in a sleek, slim-line 10-ounce can with stylish graphics." Sleek? Slim-line? 10-ounce?! I only use exclamation points in moments of outrage. They say they are marketing their beer to "contemporary adults" but it sounds to me like they are marketing it to"the Babysitter's Club."

I know what you are saying. "What can I do, Tim? How can I be a light in the darkness? I'm just one Nation." First of all, I'm not sure I like your tone. Never let me hear you underestimate your power as the RainierNation because to me, the solution is simple. Hate it. Hate Budweiser's "B to the E" and everything that it stands for. Don't buy it, and make fun of people that do. It's for their own good.

oh! Oh! OHHHH! "Hello?"

2005-01-19T10:13:00.000-08:00

Are you bored of those tired, old ringtones on your phone? Had enough 50 Cent and Eminem? Soon, you'll be able to download "moantones" produced by none other than international adult movie superstar Jenna Jameson. Mobile phone content provider Wicked Wireless plans to start the service in Latin America and bring it to the US later this year. Sexy "R-rated" images are also part of the deal. The stock photography house that I work for here in Seattle also provides images to Wicked Wireless. I guess we're in good company!

Why Michael Schumacher Will Never Lose

2005-01-18T15:54:00.000-08:00

My friend Matt sent me this story about the Pope getting his very own Ferrari. As if Ferrari needed any more help ruling Formula One. In Matt's words, "Oh no! Even God is on their side now..."

Your Very Own Sand Crawler!*

2005-01-14T16:28:00.000-08:00

"The JL421 Badonkadonk is a completely unique, extremely rare land vehicle and battle tank." It might just be the craziest thing I've seen since the Segway (also available at Amazon), which still makes me laugh when I see one in use. Segway. Heh heh. Stupid.

*Jawas not included.

Food + Photography = Deliciousness

2005-01-13T14:43:00.000-08:00

I like food. I like photography. Put the two together and you got yourself a winner. The first ever international competition for food photography is being held at the annual SIRHA expo in France. Mmm...anchovies.

Wackiest Consumer Warning of the Year

2005-01-06T10:58:00.000-08:00

There is a contest out there that tracks down the craziest consumer warning each year, to show "...how lawsuits, and concern about lawsuits, have created a need for common sense warnings on products." I remember the first one I ever saw. It was on a hairdryer: "Do not use while bathing." It's such a joy living in a highly litigious society.

Here are this year's winners and some of the best past winners. My personal fave of this year? A label on a popular scooter for children that warns: "This product moves when used."

Why I like Michael Schumacher

2005-01-05T14:52:00.000-08:00

Michael Schumacher is not only the greatest racecar driver EVER, he is also a genuinely good human being. Sadly, he lost his friend and bodyguard Burkhard Cramer in the tsunami disaster. Yesterday, he donated $10 million to help the victims of the tsunamis.

Celebrities the world over are donating huge sums as well. Steven Spielberg gave $1.5 million. Sandra Bullock gave $1 million. Leonardo DiCaprio gave a rumored $1 million. Even unexplicably popular band Linkin Park pulled together $100,000.

So how much did our multi-millionaire president and leader of the free world George W. Bush donate? A paltry and inexcusable $10,000. Way to set an example Mr. President. We're proud of you.

Tsunami Survival Stories

2005-01-05T11:07:00.000-08:00

Hope is in short supply right now in south Asia. Here are some amazing stories with happy endings:

* PENANG, Malaysia (AP) 28 Dec 2004 - A 20-day-old baby was found alive floating on a mattress in her parent's damaged restaurant in northern Malaysia after the region was slammed by tsunamis.

* PHUKET, Thailand (AP) 29 Dec 2004 - A Swedish toddler was reunited with his father Wednesday, days after being found alone in the aftermath of the deadly tsunami that swept Asia, after his picture was posted on the internet.

* PORT BLAIR, Andaman and Nicobar Islands (AP) 01 Jan 2005 - As she fled the killer waves swallowing her island, Namita Roy gave birth to a boy in a forest. On another island, 8-month-old Michael Jeremiah slipped out of his mother's arms and sank into the sea until his father saw his toe poke up from the waves and brought him back to life.

* KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia (Reuters) 05 Jan 2005 - An Indonesian woman who was plucked from the sea after clinging to a palm tree for five days in the wake of a devastating tsunami heard Wednesday that she is 18 weeks pregnant with her first child.

UPDATE: KLANG, Malaysia (AP) 11 Jan 2005 - A man who drifted on the Indian Ocean for two weeks lived on coconuts that he pried open with his teeth while floating on pieces of wood, then a broken boat, and finally a raft carrying a lifesaving treasure: bottled water.

Tsunami Dolphin Saga

2005-01-05T11:01:00.000-08:00

Two rare Indo-Pacific Humpback Dolphins - a female adult and her calf - were trapped in a lake left behind by the tsunamis that hit Thailand. So far, they are still trapped.

UPDATE: The mother has been rescued. Rescuers are still searching for the calf. Fingers crossed everyone.

Elephants are our friends. Fraaammmmpp.

2005-01-04T17:02:00.000-08:00

The end of 2004 was horrible for my family and me personally, but exponentially so for the millions of people affected by the tsunamis. It was good to see a story about survival amidst so many stories of death and destruction. Sadly, these stories were few and far between, but they were out there. Related to the prescient elephant story, there was this interesting article about the strange lack of animal carcasses amongst the debris. A bit morbid, I'll admit, but still fascinating. Sorry.

And with that, I promise that only funny stories will be posted from here on out. Goodbye 2004 and good riddance.

UPDATE: Further proof that elephants are our friends.

Jasper Tate Warren: 07 Sep 2004 - 08 Dec 2004

2004-12-15T20:37:00.000-08:00

Our three month old nephew passed away last week. As tough as the little guy was, he was unable to fight forever. It has taken me this week to get up the courage to post this heartbreaking news about my baby nephew. I will not come to terms with this loss for a long time, but right now, I feel that I must share this with others. I have so much to say about Jasper and the profound affect he had on everyone around him, but sadly I find myself at a loss for words. For now, I will let his beautiful face tell the story.

If you want to help, my sister Kirstie and brother-in-law Seth have set up the Jasper Tate Warren Memorial Fund to support the Infant ICU at Children's Hospital. For more information about the fund, please visit my wife's blog. She has also posted a far more eloquent story about how Jasper affected all of our lives.

A watch for around the pool

2004-12-03T15:13:00.000-08:00

Though I am not a diver, I still find this watch fascinating. When would one ever be diving to 1000 meters? I guess if your submersible implodes at that depth, at least your watch will survive. Plus, it just looks cool.

For the perfect wiener, every time!

2004-12-02T16:44:00.000-08:00

Mmm...hot dogs...

Mad Max's Diesel Geo Metro

2004-12-02T16:26:00.000-08:00

This may be the craziest "alternative" vehicle I have seen. Strangely enough, the 10 horsepower that this contraption creates is actually MORE horsepower than the Geo Metro originally had! Well not really, but close. Go buy it now!

Lava Lamp of Death

2004-11-30T11:14:00.000-08:00

My buddy John pointed me towards a horrific story about a man KILLED by a lava lamp in our area. Reading the article brought back memories of a lava lamp incident of my very own from a few years back. I had no idea how close to DEATH I came...

I once owned a lava lamp. The lava lamp was pretty. However, it had a gap of air at the top that always bugged me. So, curious fellow that I am, I began to do some research online. I found several sites that described what was in a lava lamp. Of course, they were all different. For the most part, it was wax suspended in liquid. I chose a "liquid" recipe that I could replicate at home. I created a mixture of water and rubbing alcohol and filled the gap. Of course, I tested the lava lamp on several occasions for a couple of hours at a time. It worked, and beautifully I might add. My lava lamp was full and perfect. Little did I know, it was also EVIL...

I turned the lava lamp on about 3:00 pm or 4:00 pm on a weekend day. At about midnight, I fell asleep on the couch, the lava lamp burbling just above me on a low bookshelf behind the couch. At about 1:00 am, I was awakened by a LOUD EXPLOSION and HOT, LIQUID MAGMA SEARING MY FLESH! The lava lamp had exploded, sending shards of glass everywhere and a stinky, red, waxy mess all over the bookshelf, the books, the couch, the floor and ME! In my "just-awoken-by-an-explosion" stupor, my first instinct was to turn off the lamp to prevent a fire. Instead of pulling the plug, I went for the switch...and was ELECTROCUTED! Looking back on it now, I realize that the lava lamp had it's own agenda: TO KILL ME! I pulled the plug after that and spent the next hour or so cleaning up the mess.

Moral of the story? There's a gap at the top of lava lamps for a reason: to allow for the expansion of the liquid/wax as it heats and to dissipate that heat. Also, when the manual says "Do not leave lamp on more than eight hours at a time," it means it. Today, I have a funny story to tell, but in the back of my mind, I will always count myself lucky...to be alive to tell it.

Conspiracy Corner: "Holy crap, look at his face!"

2004-11-24T16:25:00.000-08:00

Chemical weapons or BAD SUSHI?!? You be the judge.

Buy this magazine!

2004-11-24T09:27:00.000-08:00

It is witty, pretty and damn fun to read. And how is this for a mission statement:

And now, here is CHOW. We consider it the tolling bell of a food revolution. You'll see that our stories are more entertaining, our photos more realistic (and messier), our reporting deeper, our instructions clearer, and maybe most important, our subjects a lot more far-flung than what food magazine readers are used to seeing.

Subscribe today!

Illegal to skip movie previews during DVD viewing?!?

2004-11-24T08:42:00.000-08:00

This whole bill is a crock of $#1t but one particular part of it is stunning:

...under the proposed language, viewers would not be allowed to use software or devices to skip commercials or promotional announcements "that would otherwise be performed or displayed before, during or after the performance of the motion picture," like the previews on a DVD.

How would that even be enforced? Criminies. What next, make it mandatory to consume popcorn, soda and raisinettes during a movie? Oh wait...

Dolphins are our friends. Eeeeeeet. Eeeeennt.

2004-11-23T14:23:00.000-08:00

I like stories like this. It's refreshing to hear good, "happy ending" stories these days. I wonder if the dolphins would have done the same thing if the swimmers had been tuna fishermen..."Sorry guys, you're on your own...eeeeeennnnt"

My boss gets more spam than your boss...

2004-11-18T16:46:00.000-08:00

I will NEVER complain about getting too much spam again.

Screw you, vegan hippies!

2004-11-17T11:45:00.000-08:00

Hardee's has introduced the Monster Thickburger. Besides having the coolest name ever for a burger, at 2/3 pound, 1400 calories and 107 grams of fat, it's a big "eff you" to the health conscious. Now I've had some big burgers in my life (a couple different one-pounders) from specialty burger joints, but never, in all my days, have I seen something like this from a fast food chain. No wonder the rest of the world hates us greedy Americans.

I'm just sad that there are no Hardee's restaurants in Washington State. Oh well. If you are fortunate enough to live near a Hardee's, here's a $1 off coupon for the Monster. Let me know how it goes. Personally, I'd rather equal the caloric intake of the Monster by drinking roughly 12 beers.

The Real Gilligan's Island is coming...

2004-11-17T10:12:00.000-08:00

The more I read about this show, the more I like it. I wonder if they'll have a contest where the teams have to make a coconut phone? Tune in for the premiere on TBS on 30 November at 8:00 PM.

Virgin Mary has nothing better to do.

2004-11-16T16:03:00.000-08:00

Judging by the $99 million bid online (as of posting), I'm guessing that some non-believers are toying with the poor, toothless lady that put this sandwich online. Hasn't she already suffered enough? Having the sandwich pulled once already by eBay? Enduring the numerous hoax postings that have appeared? I wonder how many "holy" grilled cheese sandwiches I've unwittingly eaten in my time here on earth? Mmm, grilled cheese...

UPDATE: Apparently GoldenPalace.com has purchased the sandwich for a mere $28,000. This is the same company that hires people to streak at major sporting events with their web address painted on - and then denies they had anything to do with it. It happened at the 2004 Olympics during the diving prelims.

Frozen treats for dogs?!? Preposterous!

2004-11-13T13:24:00.000-08:00

Look what we found in the frozen dessert section at Thriftway. Ice cream treats for dogs. Or ARE they? I beg of you, read this review first!

Frosty Paws tastes pretty terrible, at first. It has a flavor like glue, or coagulated gravy, but colder. But then after a few seconds, it begins to melt and the taster is swept away by a nuanced but overpowering compulsion to barf like a sailor on shore leave.

To the credit of Associated Ice Cream, the ingredients on the side of the box do prominently ention "animal fat." And while it might be helpful to potential human tasters to print this on the box's cover, it's understandable that they bury the headline and stick with the happy Terrier.

Don't say I didn't warn you...

Little in the middle but she got much back.

2004-11-12T14:43:00.000-08:00

No comment. Except that these things remind me of the "MOM Jeans" sketch on SNL.

Liquid green bean casserole anyone?

2004-11-08T14:57:00.000-08:00

There's nothing quite like Turkey and Gravy in liquid form. Plus, it's carb free! Thank the lord for Jones Soda.

Portrait of a George W. Bush Voter.

2004-11-03T10:58:00.000-08:00

This is the type of person that re-elected Bush. It appears that more than half of the United States is as mentally challenged as he is. I hope they are happy with themselves. They have undoubtedly just screwed this country for four more years.

So THAT's what my cat does all day!

2004-11-01T13:54:00.000-08:00

Sleep. Huh.

Voting From Beyond the Grave!

2004-11-01T13:36:00.000-08:00

Today is All Saints Day, the Day of the Dead. Apparently, the dead are trying to affect the outcome of the U.S. election. As long as they don't vote for W, I'm cool with it.

Conspiracy Corner: "I feel NO pain!"

2004-11-01T13:24:00.000-08:00

Here is the frightening story of a young girl who is incapable of sensing pain of any kind. It's only a matter of time before the government finds a way to exploit this strange genetic disorder to create cloned super-soldiers who charge headlong into even the most brutal battle because they feel nothing. Or maybe not.

Minimum security, mostly drug offenders.

2004-09-29T13:39:00.000-07:00

What is "Camp Cupcake," the federal prison camp where Martha Stewart is heading for five months?

For the gentleman whose manhood is so small...

2004-09-14T21:43:00.000-07:00

...that not even a Hummer will boost his ego, International offers the CXT. This "pickup truck" is actually a commercial severe service vehicle that doesn't require a commercial license to operate, which is EXACTLY what we need on our roads.

An International rep actually boasts, "You can put the Hummer in back and take it with you." The CXT is TWO FEET taller than a Hummer, it weighs over 5 TONS, is 21.5 feet long and no doubt gets 2 miles to the gallon. My favorite "convenience" option? The tilting bed, of course, which should come in handy when unloading after a trip to Costco. It also has the safety feature of being able to crush 75% of the vehicles on the road in an accident.

It's only a matter of time before the pimps, players, movie producers and lawyers start cruising around the suburbs in this monstrosity. Damn you International...why couldn't you just bring back the Scout? (Thank you Matt C!)

Holy crap, I'm (officially) an uncle!

2004-09-07T09:42:00.000-07:00

Jasper Tate Warren popped into this world at 02:31 PDT this morning, September 7th, 2004. He weighed in at 5 pounds, 8 ounces and stretched to 18 inches. When my wife and I arrived at the hospital at about 0:30, my mother informed us that the baby would be there any minute. My ESP kicked in and the time of 02:36 flashed in my mind. Okay, so I was off by five minutes, but c'mon, I would have easily won the (imaginary) office pool. My sister is just fine and was quite lucid after the delivery, which took just a few hours. Her husband and my mother were doing just fine too!

To add to the surreal factor of this whole experience, my wife and I were over at my sister's place last evening to check in on her and bring her puzzles and Vogue to keep her occupied during her remaining two and half weeks of bed rest. We enjoyed the truly bizarre experience of seeing the baby practice his kung fu moves against my sister's belly, little lumps pressing out THROUGH HER SHIRT! She admitted to us this morning that she was in labor the whole time we were there but didn't want to be wimpy and admit she was in pain. Ay chihuahua! And for those of you paying attention, yes, my sister did go into labor on Labor Day. May the corny jokes begin! More to follow...